9:51 - I’m bored. J is eating cereal straight out of the box and B is drawing in her diary without taking her eyes off the tv screen…multitasking at its finest.
10:00 - Walk into kitchen to see if there’s any eggs to make buns with. No. My sister hasn’t left them any dinner either. Last time this happened I got -
Me: J, what do you want in your sandwich? Cheese?
J: I don’t like cheese.
Me: Yeah, you do. I’ve seen you eat it.
J: I don’t want cheese.
10 mins later. Enter Granddad.
Granddad: I’ll make J’s. J what do you want in your sandwich?
10:14 - Minor dispute over who’s cup is whose. Over in seconds when B snaps at J. J backs down. He knows what will happened if he pursues it any further and since we’re both scared of her, I remain quiet as well.
10:29 - Second coffee. Narnia 3 is still on and is still shite. Nearly dislocate my jaw yawning.
10:35 - The dvd has started to jump.
10:44 - B is now eating rice crispies from the box and is puzzled as to why there is already a spoon inside. I’m contemplating whether or not to introduce them to “the bowl”.
11.01 - They’ve both got a bow and are now looking for arrows. I blame Narnia 3…which is still jumping. Thankfully, arrows haven’t been found.
11:08 - Narnia 3 has finished. Wahey. We spend the next ten mins looking for the walnut whip I left last night. It’s like an Easter egg hunt but with a walnut whip.
11:23 - I make them a ham sandwich each.
11:25 - They’ve both eaten the ham and left the bread.
11:34 - Granddad has eaten walnut whip. J gives him a bollocking. Mwhahaha, my minions.
12:06 - Setting off for garage. Walking down black path or what we affectionately call “Dog shit alley”.
12:26 - Reach garage. Buy two slushes, both have red and blue slush.
12:35 - I give them a lecture on the dangers of drink driving as we walk to my cousin’s house. A bit premature for a 7 + 8 year old maybe, but, oh well.
12:42 - Reach my cousin’s house.
12:50 - Watching the skiing. J repeatedly shouts “Wack it!!!” everytime a skier nears a pole. I’m then out witted by the said 7 year old when he tell us that it’s the French that are skiing and I ask him how he knows they’re not UK (they’re wearing the same colours) when he points to bottom of the screen and says, “Look…FRA”.
1:30 - Leave cousin’s house. J jumps over a “mud pud” and somebody needs the toilet, so I have to mince all the way back.
1:48 - B wants cake. J wants the star decorations off the cake and cheese. They’re playing on the dining room table. B has suddenly adopted an American accent.
2:09 - They’re playing Gladiators/Lord of the Rings. I daren’t move for fear of getting my ears clipped by plastic swords.
2:25 - It’s oh so quiet…Spongebob is on.
2:35 - Coffee number 3. B’s on Minecraft building a house under water with blue bricks. Hmmm…
2:44 - B: I made this blue thing and I’ve looked everywhere but I don’t know where it is.
3:09 - Just eaten two walnut whips. Feel sick. Is it home time yet?
4:07 - Spongbob is still on. I asked B and J if it’s alright if I fall asleep. They said yes, of course it is. Who’s looking after who here?
4:32 - I’m free.